| Originally Posted by gotgot123 Big props for typing all that out. Hope you get better!|
Keep on reminding yourself that people close to you always want to help and be there for you so you dont end up secluding yourself.
Ty, definitely good advice – read through my olds journals from
the recovery last time around – my level of social contact is the single
best predictor of my mood when i’m having a rough stretch, definitely
keeping that in mind incase things go south at some point this year.
Thanks Roberto – it’s actually kinda interesting I was on my
biggest meditation streak ever when I was admitted – think I had 14 days
on headspace. My nurse took me through a ‘staying well plan’ where I
had to write out warning signs, it’s kinda tricky because for me it was
things like ‘feeling really good’, ‘hitting all my goals’, ‘seeing
everything as an opportunity’ etc.. basically how I am when I’m manic is
pretty close to how I’d choose to be, so idk. I kinda feel like while
I’m doped up the chance of a relapse is way lower, I’d guess that
if/when I get off the meds is when I’ll need to be most alert, and for
sure it will be easy to pretend everything’s fine. But as I wrote out
last night – I’m happy to take a small step back if I need to, I’m
hoping I won’t be so reluctant to take medication if the need ever
Thanks for sharing – I actually drink pretty occasionally – not unusual for me to go 2-3 weeks with no booze, the problem is when I do it tends to be a be a big night out/stag do or whatever, so yeah I guess I’m an occasional binge drinker
I never drink just in the house myself. Actually a pretty significant
side effect of these meds – I’ve noticed the 2/3 times I’ve taken them
after big nights out I’ve felt suuuuuuper nauseous for like an hour or
two after, kinda sucks but no harm in another nudge towards drinking
Cheers Jackeeeee – I don’t see a therapist, no – I’ve tried 2 and
didn’t get much out of either, always felt like talking to family
members is way better/easier. I think I’ll actually get prescribed one
at some point, IIRC they don’t think I need CBT but there was some other
form.. I’ll ask again at some point and see what they’re saying.
|Originally Posted by Derp! Most people are open until they reach a low-point or **** hits the fan. Props to you for being open about your experience. Health is paramount. Best of luck in 2019!|
Haha, actually there was something kinda similar with an old Big Lad housemate – he smoked a bunch before bed, then woke up convinced his grinder was lodged in his throat
Yeah I’ve learned that diazepam is prescribed in a bunch of situations –
my mum was saying doctors even give it to people grieving who need to
just get through a few days/funeral or whatever. The lorazepam
(quicker/stronger acting but shorter duration) was actually pretty
intense, hits you like a toooooooooon of bricks and it’s just GG next
couple hours, they glide by. Diazepam way less intense, I was actually
being given it twice a day, morning and night, so for a few days they
were actually waking me up to give me diazepam, pretty stupid state of
affairs lol. They gave me 6 to take away and take as required, needed
one the first day I was home but no more since then. It’s absolutely
incredible how quickly they take a hold of you – you build decent
tolerance in 2/3 days and coming off them is kinda grim.
Re: poker and mental health problems – I’m kinda skeptical on the whole leatherass, poker leading to mental health problems thing. There’s obv a bunch of guys who have difficulties (Klaric for the old school FR guys
), but I feel like any cross-section of mainly young dudes is going to
throw up a bunch of positives – I’d be surprised if poker players as a
population had a significantly higher rate/proven causation or w/e,
though obv good chance I’m wrong.
Reading the HorVeech thing actually hit me super hard. Though I never met him, we kinda locked horns back in the day (for a brief while we were negotiating a HU grudge match at 10/20). Basically his path felt terrifyingly similar to mine – IIRC he’d had two or three hospital admissions before he ended his life. For a short while one doctor was using the term ‘schizo-affective disorder’ (which is like schizophrenia lite) while I was in hospital, but they backed off that term pretty quickly (something about the shortness of the time I was psychotic.. or the order of my symptoms.. can’t really remember). The strange thing about all this is that there’s some amount of it/variables that seems to be outwith my (or anyone’s) control. So while reading about Veech and finland and stuff (with greatest respect to both of them) reads somewhat like a warning to me, I have to accept that there’s some things I can’t just avoid via force of will. No idea if that makes any sense
|Originally Posted by beet Takes a lot to share such a personal ordeal. Massive respect for sharing, it definitely helps others to see that you can still be successful in life with mental health issues. Best of luck on your recovery.|
Appreciate that man, GL to you too.
|Originally Posted by SmbSmbSmb|
|Originally Posted by _jimbo_ Fair play man. Takes a lot of courage to be that open. Wish you all the best going forward.|
Thanks, best to you too.
| Originally Posted by ggbruuce Lots of respect for writing about
this on the forums, you always seemed like a good guy at the tables to
me (and also from what I heard through mutual friends).. I have a really
good book recommendation which probably could be very useful for you https://www.amazon.com/Real-Happy-Pi…/dp/B071Z9VP38|
I hope you get better!
Appreciate the 1st post! I’m back in the habit of starting each day with a 30-40m workout (10m skipping, pullups, pushups, stretching and rolling), definitely shakes the cobwebs off and gives some early momentum in the day
|Originally Posted by doctor877 <3|
f0ck off NASA
Thanks brother – gotta get myself out to Vienna at some point this year
Yeah, I’m very lucky to have a family that basically went to war for me as soon as all this popped off. My dad spent as much time in the hospital as I did the first few days, even though I was mostly wrestling him and a few nurses trying to get out and kinda bringing him into my delusions.. must’ve been horrendous for him. My mum was in Japan and cut her trip short to come see me aswel
|Originally Posted by Barry Urinstein Tough reading this. I hope you’re feeling better. Miss you, Don.|
I miss you too man. Hope we see each other again one day soon
High praise! Thanks man, that’s my 1 and only goal for this year tbh.
|Originally Posted by HU4hoes Was great meeting you a few weeks ago, wishing you all the best D7|
Cheers Jason, appreciate it
|Originally Posted by megalomaniac23 +1 on this also, going to psychotherapy regulary can def help. Also, switch/try different therapists until you find the right match. Hope you are and will be doing better!|
|Originally Posted by z0mgtiltz It must have taken a lot to write this. I hope you get better Donald.|
Yeah, 100% this. Before anything happened I was completely in the
‘could happen to anyone… but obv not me’ camp. I do still find it hard
to accept that in some ways it’s outwith my control.. I’m a big
believer in personal responsibility, so I guess all I can do is take the
advice I get and give myself the best chance possible to stay healthy.
Much appreciated man
| Originally Posted by Jaznin GL Donald.|
Captain Zeebo had a similar experience, it might be worth checking that out.
Thanks man, the more you look the more you find circumstances like this. Shoutout my boy Valen aswel, hope he’s doing well.
|Originally Posted by BenaBadBeat Huge love D. I’m super happy that you felt able to write and share the entire experience. See you soon (sun) <3|
Cheers kidder, let’s sort this trip!
|Originally Posted by psek1 Awesome that you were able to share this, mad props and extremely interesting read. Hope all improves going forward|
Thanks Patrick, here’s hoping
|Originally Posted by Slugant Gl donald, unfortunately very common among poker players|
Thanks man – was a pleasure meeting you also! It wasn’t an ideal
thing to happen, but god knows it could’ve been much worse. So glad no
one got hurt. Best of luck to you too!
|Originally Posted by WCGRider glad you are doing better man, wish you the best of luck|
Cheers Doug, all the best for 2019
| Originally Posted by GazzyB123 Can only echo the above posts. Immense bravery to relive that and share it with us.|
Wish you the best brother
Cheers Gazzy! Hyped for your bet with the kid
| Originally Posted by meale Thank you for sharing this… Has
only reinforced to me how important health is and how glad I am to have
made this a priority of mine this year. All the best, I hope you get
everything back on track ASAP!|
Thanks man – obv I’m hoping that’s what happens, but I’m also not
going to fall to pieces if it were to happen again. Honestly the
suffering for me is whatever, I don’t really gaf that much, I just
really don’t want to put my friends/family through it again.
|Originally Posted by sirin Best of luck and huge respect for writing what must have been a very difficult post.|
|Originally Posted by SmbSmbSmb way too much love in here so i’m gonna berate you for being an overly stationy poker player, octopus-dancing beers lord and no-left-foot footballer.|
Guilty on all 3 charges
My toe-punting skill more than make up though
| Originally Posted by GazzyB123 Coming from the guy that has two? Really?|
|Originally Posted by SmbSmbSmb I feel a left-footed penalty bet brewing.|
|Originally Posted by TimStone He got a point though. Once too many british people poasting in a row a thread often gets too polite and friendly, esp when alot of those brits gay as well|
|Originally Posted by theproksa Thank you for sharing that D7 and glgl going forward.|
| Originally Posted by cluelesss just wauw. |
Hope 2k19 is gonna be your best year ever.
Thanks very much again to everyone who posted – I’m basically always surprised at how positive people are and I do appreciate the support. I don’t wanna dwell on it too much but obv I’ll keep y’all posted with how I’m doing here and there.
Anyway – this is a poker forum right?
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Graph says about it all really – things were going unreal smooth
basically until Cyprus in mid-May, I then proceeded to have around a
40evBI downer from there till September. Took around 3 months off, won a
little cash in December, that’s about it. I failed my volume goal,
played a little higher on average than I expected to. I didn’t hit 4bb,
though if I filter out 3 and 4 handed play (47k hands, where I lost at
1evbb, 90%+ reg battling) then I just scrapped it. Going to continue
starting all my games this year, though I understand there’s a pretty
high chance there’s drastic changes to the lobby this year (all zoom or a
blind lobby) so we’ll just have to see how it goes. Pretty sure all
previous years I’ve won at some rate while starting tables, but even if
-1bb is accurate, it cost me 4 or 5 stacks to have the lobby basically
whenever I sit it – that’s cheaper than a script, plus it forces me to
play more hands vs the better regs which is useful for study.
One things I haven’t mentioned so far is the army – BitB Cash. I really enjoy working with the guys and sharing in their journey, they keep me sharp and I love to see the hardest working guys eventually rise to the top (as they always do). We’ve improved a lot of our marketing stuff a ton recently so we’re starting to see many more applicants, which is translating into better student numbers. I’m also pretty delighted with the new website (which I rebuilt from scratch in August/September), I’m confident it’s the most secure poker video platform on the internet and I’ll continue to make additions/ improvements this year – starting with a comprehensive overview of the fundamentals of the most commonly occurring spots, which I’ve started, with the aim of it functioning as the intro for our new players.
That’s it for now, been typing way too long – may bump the thread with some goals for the month/year but I need to think about how best to approach this.
GL out there!